Updated: Mar 22
Here it is…a special read for tonight. If you haven't read my book, Silently Betrayed Vol.1 than what are you waiting for (part 2 is on the way). Here is a sneak peek starting at pg. 63 (Silently Betrayed, Vol.1)
Love had me forgetting the unforgettable. Still, I yielded my body to him. Despite my raging emotions, my nipples still became taut when he kissed them. The inside of my vagina still became moist when he played with it, having two fingers strategically placed. The moan escaped my lips regardless of the confusion I felt. I was in the middle of so many thoughts when he thrust inside me. Although I was mad at the nerve he had to use protection this time around, my honey pot still pulsated when he entered and welcomed his penis like it was home. While my body was reacting, my mind had frozen. It was like a nightmare as the first time I was told of my status began to replay in my mind’s eye. All I could think about was the fact that he knew the entire time.
Suddenly, I started to gag. I was disgusted and completely turned off. I could feel him pouring out his seed inside of me, even with a condom. When I looked up at him, I threw up all over the pillows. I wanted out of my own skin. I rushed into the tub, splashing my hands and finger scrubbing as hard as I could with the towel, trying to clean my body. No matter how much I scrubbed, I felt dirty. I didn’t feel close to cleanliness. I began screaming with no words coming out. It was as though I was hurting so badly that I couldn’t get the words out. That was when he rushed into the bathroom. With one look at me, he could tell I regretted sleeping with him again. He just made the bed and said nothing. I knew it was a huge mistake getting into his bed again; being intimate with him after everything made me feel like a victim all over again.
When I got out of the tub, I went to sleep. There was nothing left to say. The next morning, I told him that I couldn’t be with him. I started to think about other girls he may have endangered. I knew I had to do something, if not for myself, then for others. I told him we could no longer see each other. I would only find out how vile he was two days after we had sex. Two days after we had that disgusting sex, he sent me a video of him lying beside me after sex the other day. I had no clothes on in the video and it was obvious I was being blackmailed into silence. He tried to blackmail me with the video to stop me from pressing charges against him. “If you are so sorry and innocent, why did you have sex with me again?” he asked. I couldn’t believe that I had been used again. He didn’t come to me because he cared about me; he only wanted to get leverage and like a fool, I had fallen again. He did have a point, I thought. How could I sit in court calling him such a monster if I still slept with him? How could he be such an enemy if I still answered all his calls?
It wasn’t fair; I was confused, lost, and frustrated. I needed some fresh air; it felt like my confusion was choking me. I got in my car and rode around for hours, driving with so much anger and frustration. Somehow, I found myself at the top of a residential building breathing deeply. “Why me? Why, my God, have you given up on me? Am I not worthy of an answer, Father?” I mumbled to myself as I sat on the edge of the roof, rocking back and forth with the urge to leap. At that moment, I made the ultimate decision to end my life permanently. My silent torment had won me over. I became a creature of my own regrets and built-up sins. Wind whooshed past me as my fingers began to shake, anxiety kicking in, and my head began to spin. I closed my eyes after analyzing the only choices I felt I had. I continued thinking with my eyes closed, still rocking, and all of my cons outweighed my pros. As I stood up, an apex of fear rushed over me and my phone began to ring. I could feel my heart palpitating as I answered my phone. “Hello, are you there?” I remained on the phone, breathing heavily, placing myself in a sitting position on the roof. “
This is Detective Philip. Ms. Hope, I was calling to check on you because God told me to do that. God is looking out for you and you have Him on your side. If you want to proceed with charges, you let me know. You have all the power inside of you because no matter what, God created you.” Then the sun just started shining down on me, with a feeling of peace entering my heart. “He answered me,” I said. He answered me! Detective Philip asked me what I was saying but I had no time to explain. I rushed him off the phone and assured him that I would be just fine.
I felt something inside my body that I had been praying for. I felt like God had answered me. I was moments away from suicide, moments away from giving up, before the detective called me. I just knew it was meant to happen that way. I got down from the edge of the roof and I knew it was time to face whatever I had to face. I was no longer afraid to look Roam dead in the eye.
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